Thursday, April 30, 2015

when love is bigger than the whole wide world

I've been telling everybody I see about the backhoe.

"It's coming tomorrow, Ben's going to transform the backyard," and a smile stretches across my face.

When it arrives, I can't help but call you first thing. "It's here! Hurry home!" It reminds me of those first few days after we were married, and any time we were apart was torture. I know a man can't love a machine, but, your roots run deep. Roots that I love. You love working the earth, being out on the land. I know a piece of you is missing since we live here in the city.

You come home late, 6:00. No need to eat dinner, you get right to work. I drag all the kids around back to see you in action.

Your movements are sloppy at first, jagged. "It takes some getting used to!" you chuckle.

I watch your face as you calculate each movement. You discover how much motion is needed to get the results you want. The rate of your mastery amazes me. In a very short amount of time you are proficient, as if you have always ridden on this machine.

The kids want a ride. You don't bat an eye. They each have a little bit of you in them, which I love, and can't wait for their turn. Ephraim was especially interested and pulling all kinds of levers! You concede, "There's hope for him." The corners of your eyes wrinkle up into a smile of pride. If he's lucky he'll grow up to be just like you.

It gets dark, we call it a day, and you're up before the sun the next day. The kids and I spend the morning playing by your side, watching you work. When we talked about the future we talked about days like this. It's something we've always dreamed of and its here.

I love you, Ben. When people talk about what they are looking for in a mate, they talk about specifics: attributes, habits and hobbies. But you, when I ask you what you, specifically, love about me, you say, teasingly, "I love you, specifically." Your heart is open and wide, that is how you see the world. My heart is drawn to notice details and little things, but I love you, specifically too.

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