Wednesday, April 8, 2015

What Would Ye Have Me Do?

If it hasn't been obvious, this has been a very tough semester for me. I've been slacking in the balance the Lord taught me last semester, and as a result we've been running at a frenzied pace. Certainly this is not what the Lord wants for our life. But when times get hard, we can turn to our knees to find the answers we seek. Quitting is so alluring sometimes, and can appear noble. Who would blame me for getting rid of this "extra" in my life, and giving my children more of my attention. But every time I imagine the relief in my mind of getting out of school, going back to the way things always have been, the freedom I yearn for, I see Jonah in my mind. He turned back when it got too hard. I must not.

In the depth of my sorrow, my struggling and wrestling before the Lord I've examined my own efforts towards understanding. I've talked about, pondered long, prayed, and studied as I've sought for direction.

I've found something that has given me peace and rest. Learning takes work, and now I can see life in a new light. The frenzied pace was my own doing, and I wasn't doing my part to make peace permeate my life. Selfishly I asked,"What am I supposed to learn?" looking for an indication of my own future. With pride in my heart I would never find the answer I was seeking.

At the end of the semester, I am now able to realize what I need to do differently. I can forget myself. Now I ask, "Is this the way you want me to serve you and your children?" "How, in this capacity, can I be a tool to further your work in this world?"

God has a plan for this earth, and the progress of his people as a whole. Currently our world is riddled with problems. Poverty surrounds us, cancer ravages, there are engineering and technology feats still to be discovered, beautiful art to be made, people left unloved, and service still to be given. When our Savior comes again, he will usher in a new way of living, free from the problems we now face. But he will not simply wave a magic wand and make it so. It is through us that he wishes to create this elevated way of living.

As I've incorporated this new way of looking at my own problems and the problems of the world, I am energized. It doesn't matter what role I am to play in this great plan, it simply matters that I participate where I am. I have been asked to go to school, to get an MPA, and I am to use the resources available to me to elevate others. I cannot begrudge the fact that He wants me, he wants all of us to assist him in this work. I am to lift where I stand. And by his command, I am to lift as an eventual MPA graduate.

This school thing, it was never about me and what I could learn. It's a chance to be a servant, to give my life over God and use our family's resources to further his purposes. To consecrate our family's life to him, to give our all. Not my will, but thine be done.

Thy servant I will be.


  1. I like to see it not as MY mission to do and serve, but as my family's. We work together, some sacrificing more than producing, in order to accomplish a goal. Matt and the kids are a huge part of anything I accomplish, as am I for them in a supporting role. Your kids aren't losing you as a mother, they are joining you in an effort to serve others. Their sacrifice is a part of your success. Keep it up! They will be proud of you when they are old enough to understand.

  2. Wise sentiment, Sarah. Keep at it, Ashley.