Monday, October 13, 2014

It Still Hurts

It still hurts. Even though I know I'm supposed to be going to school right now, it still hurts to leave my kids for the 15 or so total hours I'm gone. I still want to scoop up that baby bum after he's finished his nap. I still want to see the day as an empty canvas, ready to be filled. I want to add that spontaneity back into our lives that used to color every moment. I want to read all the library books, and push the swing for hours at the park. It doesn't get any easier to give that up.

Pain is a part of our human existence. Some pain God can swallow up for us. But other pains he cannot. You are never going to forget a child. You feel pain because you first knew joy. 

I don't ask anymore "is this good for my kids?" "Is this good for me?" I ask, "Is it right?" "Is this my path?"

Christ's path had pain in it, too. I guess I'm in good company. And truth be told, it comes in fleeting moments. We still have spontaneity, just less of it. I'm still home for the majority of the time most of the days. My kids are in the care of loving, wonderful babysitters. I'm not the sole provider for our family. My life could look a lot different. 

I can choose gratitude, and let that (small) pain stay in its specially-marked spot in my heart. God has a work for each of us to do. I'm doing mine, pain included. Are you doing yours?

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