Thursday, March 13, 2014

A Happy Marriage

Marriage is no walk in the park, people readily admit. However most people will only widely share the peaches and cream parts of their marriage. And rightly so, a discussion the other way could easily become a list of our spouse's faults and none of our own. But if we never admit our own mistakes and shortcomings, some people might believe that the battles fought in the silent chambers of their hearts are too big, or exclusive to their relationship, and insurmountable.

Ben and I agree this past year has been the most stressful in our marriage. But I'm not looking for pity or some martyr contest. Everyone's stressors are different. These stressful events did not leave us unscathed. Both of us have created habits and coping mechanisms that are not necessarily ideal.

We've been married for nearly five years now, and the routine of life is ahead of us. We are in our permanent roles: breadwinner, housewife. We are aware of each other's quirks and trigger points. He's too this, she's too that. We know what to expect Saturday nights to look like. The word love has conformed to comfortableness.

"This is what I can expect." "Most of the time, I can put up with this trait." 

The weight of the future is on my shoulders. I'm beginning to see that this is a trajectory. As a newlywed, my bouts of frustration were more than anything just ignorance and trying to figure things out. Now that things have leveled out, the 10% of the times I am frustrated, I am really frustrated. Satan plays these dirty tricks on you. "He did that again! That's the 5,000th time he's done that!! Are you going to keep living like this??"


But I don't need to be just "satisfied" with my marriage. I don't need solely a business partner in the household affairs. I don't need someone who just shares my life experience. We can have a happy marriage. I am willing to work for a marriage that is bursting with happiness.

The world would tell us, since we've found a defect, a chink in the armor, this one should be thrown out. "Try again. This one is going to fester and get worse, move on."

I recognize that anything this marriage is lacking is a result of me not giving it the time it deserves. I recognize that I have more I can learn, more to give. People are not stagnant creatures. We can use marriage to create in each of us the perfect spouse. We can use marriage to become more Christlike, to become more like God.

This next year I am committed to stripping those poor habits I may have started. I am committed to learning more about my spouse and what makes him happy. I am committed to learning more about male and female communication, and where jams might occur. I am committed to learning and growing together, and growing closer to God.

I am willing to do all of this because a am married to a Child of God. Ben has innate goodness, as we each do. This is the motivating force. As we strip off our weaknesses, our poor habits, this is what's going to shine through. And as we work together to let that light out, we will draw closer to each other and our Maker. This is my earnest prayer.

1 comment:

  1. I completely agree with you. And just recently we've had a little more money coming in and we decided that it had to go toward date night. And it has been SO nice being able to just get out of the house for a bit without the girls. I often have debates in my head about things and then once I talk to Taber about it, I think to myself, I should have done that a LONG time ago... communication, who knew that was the key. ;)