Tuesday, February 25, 2014

To myself with one child

Dear Self,

Well, the adventure begins! Let me stress that this is a beginning, life will take several years before it will even remotely look how you imagined.

Babies are not boring, as you now think. Actually, you will come to enjoy them. A lot. But that might take a while to sink in.

In fact, what you think constitutes motherhood is not true. Despite what you have picked up in Relief Society lessons, motherhood is not limited to "when I have a kid who understands what I say." On the contrary, because a child cannot speak, they learn through nonverbal cues, feelings and emotions. You have more influence than you think. But even if you never bore children, you would always be a mother. Motherhood means keen to the spiritual side of life, tuned in to lifting people's spirits and protecting their hearts. You are from a great line of mothers that goes all the way back to Eve.

I do not envy you. Looking back, I can see now that having my first child was the hardest phase of my development. You are inexperienced, you don't know what's going on, and there's no way to fix it. It can't be fixed by reading books and doing research. The information you have gleaned from doing such has only frustrated and confused you, making it harder to see your true purpose. You just have to go through it. You can best learn how to mother through your own heart. Make an effort everyday to draw closer to God and figure out what he wants you to learn.

Your children will not be what you expected. You will begin to realize that what you have been asked to do is different than most of your peers. Embrace it. This avenue of learning will be a key to your progression in this life. Don't mourn the loss of ordinary. And don't spend another second worried about what other people think.

You're doing a great job. You will make poor decisions, but tomorrow is another day. Turn to your knees more than anything else. You are laying a foundation, and foundations are not pointless. I applaud every right choice you make, because it makes each of the choices I make now easier. Foundations are blood, sweat, and tears that have been compressed down by using them over and over again.

Now let's get to work.



P.S.-- I know you're dying to know. Your next one is a girl, named Delaney, and the one after that, Ephraim, a boy. And they are really cute.

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