Saturday, December 28, 2013

He came

A few months ago, a deep fear had been brewing in me that I did not want to admit. I was terrified of having three kids. I didn't feel prepared, but there was no way out. The darkest days of transitioning to two kids was all I could imagine, only times 10.

I went to the temple. It is the one place on Earth closest to God, and also those dwelling in his presence. I felt close to my little boy, Ephraim, although I was still pregnant with him. I felt as if his adult self was speaking to me. It was a very special experience, and one I do not want to forget. 

"Don't worry, Mom," he said, "I'll help you." The hair on the back of my neck stood up. This precious boy was aware of my situation.

He knew he was coming earlier than expected, he knew he was coming when I wasn't sure I was ready.

I left the temple that day with a smile on my face, still not "prepared," but at peace.

Now three months later, our little boy is here. When he was a week and a half old, the Thanksgiving festivities had ended and my family left. I was alone in the house with three children. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, mostly I just thought a bomb would go off any minute and I would scrape myself off the floor.

So I waited. I couldn't hear any ticking. Nothing was about to explode. Things were a lot the same, actually, except now we had this little person added to our lives.

And when I hold him I look into his eyes. He stares back at me, studying my face. I get the feeling we have known each other for a long, long time. Although I am his mother here on Earth, I am his equal in the sight of God. We are both children of our Heavenly Father.

Although I have not had such spiritual confirmations with my other two children, I do not doubt we too knew and loved each other, and had the same anxious concern for one another. My knowledge of the Plan of Happiness gives me the greatest joy on this earth.

Since the end of my pregnancy, such a weight has been lifted off of me. I truly have been delivered! I can look forward with faith! Each day we will learn and grow. Things are already easier simply because I have done them before. Even though I didn't feel like I did that well when I transitioned to two kids, I am stronger for having gone through it. I am faced with an obstacle and I am not terrified because I have already done hard things. Let us begin!

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