Friday, September 27, 2013

Choose your love

I've slowly been putting our house together since we've moved upstairs. One benefit of moving is you get to stop and think about some of the things that usually grace your walls.

I love this saying President Monson mentioned in this talk. Choose your love, love your choice.

I think sometimes about this choice I made. I truly love Ben with all my heart. I know I would be lost, incomplete, without him.

I also know that this "love" I feel for Ben was not the same feeling I had for him when we decided to be married.

I know my daughters will inevitably ask me, "How did you know Dad was the one?" "When did you know you loved him?" "How can I be sure I make the right choice?"

They will look at their father, in his perfection, his gentle ways, his easy going demeanor, his lack of faults, and they will say I'm going to look for one just like him.

Although he was already quite near perfect when I met him, I didn't think he was. Although his attributes perfectly compliment mine, I didn't scientifically pick him. I didn't die when he wasn't near my side, I could still sleep if he was away.

I just liked him. I really really liked him. I enjoyed being around him. He was my favorite person.

But love, in my experience, has been a choice. It's harder to "like" someone when you are around them constantly, when you see their whole life under a microscope. I did not graciously learn how to love. When we were first married, I saw plenty of his faults and few of my own. There were lots of tears and self pity.

But now I see him for the strength and character of who HE is: a real man, a provider, a child of God.

I don't spend time comparing him to other men, because being a child of God qualifies him as a great man.

I do jab at him occasionally (and at this stage in my progression there are still plenty of hurtful and untrue things that I think in my head that I don't say out loud), but it never changes the love that I choose to have for him: Everyday I feel blessed to have him, everyday I want ever-so-much to be worthy of him.

And he is a soul worth emulating.

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