Wednesday, June 19, 2019

10 years!

 Wedding Day, June 19, 2009











I've been amazed as I've reflected over the 10 years of Ben and my marriage how much we've grown.

I would say marriage was not a natural transition for me. I've cried a lot, and it's taken me a long time to understand what it looks like to work together and support each other. It's taken me a long time (and I'm not done yet) learning how to allow your spouse to be who they are, to sit there in that dissonance between who they are and who you are, and yet loving them completely, becoming one with that person, flaws, quirks, weaknesses and all. But over the years, many of the things that seemed so big or felt like insurmountable differences have gotten better. Some have softened. And a smaller percentage we still struggle with or butt heads on.

But we've both come to understand each other better. We are more aware of how the other functions or what they need. We've both also grown, though, in capacity. I've matured and I'm somewhat better at controlling my emotions. And Ben has grown too. He's more aware of where and how he can help. He understands better my limitations, and sees where his strengths (or even greater capacity) can help or are greatly needed. We've become more of a partnership, filling in the gaps for each other and like a symphony working harmoniously together to help each other.

But it's just amazing to me that those problems that I was sure would go with us to the grave have softened themselves over the years, or started to sort themselves out. How does that happen? Some of it just comes with time and experience. A lot of it has to do with being humble, being willing to say I'm sorry, and forgiving. Being willing to love someone who's imperfect. And being grateful someone loves you because you are imperfect. And all of it has to do with both kneeling together in prayer and asking Jesus Christ to help you in your marriage.

And just for fun, what advice would I give myself, that young girl ten years ago, if I could go back?

-Don't spend one minute comparing your relationship with someone else's. You would be happier if you would try and react more like Ben. And you've got a good, good man there, be grateful for him.

It's amazing to think how much we've grown in the first decade of our marriage, closer together and in our love for each other. I love to see old married couples and think about all the rough edges that have been knocked off of their relationships, and how much they've grown in love and dependence on each other. It's exciting to think about all that growth ahead of us in our future! 

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