Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Motherhood Dreams left Unrealized

Before I became a mother, the thing I was most excited about was being able to mother however I wanted to. I was so excited to take the best from every mother I knew and make it my own. But now that I've been parenting for almost 8 years, the things I had imagined myself doing, the life I imagined myself living seems to be left unrealized. I thought I would be kinder, more organized, and a better parent. Yes, I try to teach my children to get along, to revere the scriptures, to be gentle and loving and a million other things I hope for my children to learn, but it's often apparent to me that that our reality does not match up with my ideals.

And I've felt so sad because I believed I wasn't ever going to get another 'chance.' I viewed motherhood as a ticking time bomb that goes off on their 18th birthday. If the kind of home I'd imagined doesn't come to fruition sooner rather than later, then my children will not have the inspiring, peaceful foundation I'm hoping to create, and instead they'll be left with the mismatched mess that it feels like right now. 

But the last few months a deep peace has been settling on my heart. Motherhood is important, foundations are important. But this life is not the end. Not for my children, and not even for me and my dreams. 

This thought from Elder Joseph B. Worthlin helped me understand that my dreams are important to the Lord, no matter if they come to fruition in this life:
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

“Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9)."

Motherhood is a great work, but we can't let our 'failures' keep us from seeing that "all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28)." God cares about me, and He cares about my children and we are trees in his vineyard, ever being pruned, grafted and transplanted under the care of His watchful arm.