Friday, June 22, 2018

If not you, then who?

It can seem "part of parenting" or "part of marriage" for your children and spouse to bear the wrath of the mother. Sometimes we don't even realize we have a "wrath." Kids do things they aren't supposed to sometimes, don't they? And men intentionally leave their stuff everywhere just so you will be bugged, isn't that right? And they know I love them even though they drive me crazy, right??

When you get married or when someone is born into your family, it is so easy to love them. But little by little we get comfortable, and we can become somebody we don't want to be without even realizing it.

A mother's wrath is more than just unfortunate. It takes away a gift that every person needs in their life: unconditional love (Elder Christofferson calls it divine love). How do you feel when you are loved unconditionally? Isn't that a gift you want to give to your family? When you degrade your children with your words, they don't feel accepted by you. When you nag your spouse constantly, they don't feel like your equal, they don't feel validated.

If husbands don't receive unconditional love at home from their wife, who else could possibly give it to them? Their boss at work? Their friends at church? Their mom, whom they only see occasionally? If not their wife, then who?

If children don't feel accepted and wanted by their parents, then who else will provide that for them? Their friends? Their church leaders? Through the phone from their grandma? If not their mother, then who?

When children don't feel accepted and loved, they turn elsewhere for those foundational feelings. When husbands don't feel validated by their wives, it creates a chasm that only grows with the years. This is why I fight everyday with my natural inclinations towards yelling, frustration, nagging. Only sometimes I win, but someday, maybe in the very distant future, I will always win, because Jesus Christ makes change possible. Because I am the only one that can provide all-inclusive love, acceptance, and validation to Ben, Cheyenne, Delaney, Ephraim, and Frank. If I don't, who will?


  1. Very sweet, Ashley, and insightful. I love you. I hope you always felt that. I don't think I yelled---too much--did I. I know I was frustrated a lot and a little grouchy. Blame it on exhaustion. Dad still shows me unconditional love when I bite out an uncontrolled comment without thinking. he always says, "You hate me." I know that means I said something thoughtless. I also know it would come across as hatred to someone who weren't convinced you loved them to death... Mom

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Carly. Hope you are doing well. I miss your blog!!