Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Why I Share

Why blogging

In 2009 when I started my blog, blogs were the thing to do. It seemed like once you got married, you started a blog. Blogs were simply the place where people shared the pictures of their lives. Eventually Instagram took that role, and for many people, their blogs fell by the wayside.

By that time, however, my blog had become much more than a family record or even a journal for reflecting. It became a place for me to think and discover, to figure out my heart and write down what was true to me. I received so much personal benefit from my blog that I kept blogging. I felt compelled to blog, but mostly for my own benefit. While I did share it publicly, it was kind of "tacked on" to what this space had become for me.

The longer I've been blogging, however, I've started to put some pieces together for this specific place here in the internet. It's as if the picture becomes clearer and clearer each year. A snippet here, a flash of light there, and after several months I can step back and say, "Yes, this connects to this, and THIS is what it is." It reminds me of that story of the blind mice discovering the elephant-- and maybe I've only connected the tail and trunk and I am still wrong, but slowly over many years I will discover the entire picture and it will all make sense.

Who is this blog for?

What I am trying to say is, I discovered that I'm blogging for you. My blog was meant for you to read. The ideas and thoughts I have that I wish to record start out very personally-- I don't have any kind of "schedule" for blogging-- it all grows organically out of my current thoughts and feelings, so in that way what I blog about starts out incredibly personally, from my soul and my own growth.

But then, I can recognize, the spirit takes it and wants it to be turned into a format for others to read. It is my information, it originates in my brain, but it belongs to all of us. I am simply a messenger.

What is my role?

I don't really know how to describe it to you except that this blog is part of my personal mission-- and that that makes complete sense to me. In my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would find much joy in sharing and be a leader among women. In some ways using this format to complete that mission is confusing because blogging feels so narcissistic, and in addition I am so small and weak, definitely not something to be put on a pedestal for others to strive for.  

But the pieces all fit together: writing is my whole soul, a deep part of me that leaves me feeling centered when I complete it or anxious if I am unable to. And then I have these thoughts and ideas that live and sprout in my mind that I can't seem to root out. Even my love of photography, I wonder, and the joy I feel as I put effort into honing and fine tuning that craft has me wondering if this was all part of some grand scheme for this space where I write to someday exist.

And lately I've been getting a feeling-- one I haven't felt before-- this urgency to write for you. That more than this being a place of emotional and mental release for my own self, it's an important place for you, those few of you who come here often to read, to feel peace and learn.

I don't exactly know what it all means or if I will forever feel this way about this blog, or how this space will come to change in the future, but I promise I will write down what is given to me, what has been given to us to learn and to grow and become better by. I will do right by you.