Sunday, February 7, 2016

Baby #4

I never imagined I'd give birth to three children in three years. And I never imagined I would be given some very intense personalities to mother. The past five years have been physically and emotionally, harder than I ever dreamed, and Ben and I were both relieved for this "break" after Ephraim (he and the new baby will be 2.5 years apart, which feels like a breath of fresh air after the first three who were only 20 months and 16 months apart, respectively). I've always wanted a large family, and we are very excited for Ephraim to have a little brother to play with.

Yet I've been pondering lately the inconvenience of large families when it comes to certain activities and lifestyle aspirations. Sometimes I catch myself looking at life very linearly, and wondering what I can do to make life the most comfortable, or personally satisfying.

Yet motherhood, and the opportunity to bare children, is not actually about me and how I'd like it, or what I want it to look like.  It's easy sometimes to fall into the worldly attitude that our experience on this earth is about ourselves, and our children are simply an extension of that. In reality, motherhood is servanthood. The story has always been about them, the children.

"The worth of a soul is great in the sight of God." (see D&C 18:10)

It is with great reverence and awe that I consider what my role really is as a mother. I am a partner with God. This is a gift from God to me, to experience even a part of the love He has for his children. It is a chance to be His hands, to be a willing servant that he so desperately needs for the little people that come to this earth.

If I can, through motherhood, give my life over to a cause more noble than my own selfish ambitions, and aid God in the process, then I am completely satisfied, and whole. No matter how inconvenient it may be.


  1. I feel similarly, when I am at my best. :) One of the things that I sometimes repeat to myself is, "I didn't have children for convenience." Somehow that reminds me that the true purpose of my life isn't to have a leisurely walk through a grocery store or to sleep soundly every night. It is to be a hand in bringing light to the world, one dearly loved child at a time.

    Thank you always for your insight! It is always uplifting to me. And congratulations!! I was very excited when I saw that you were pregnant in your Christmas card. I had never seen it before but I love that painting too. Thanks for keeping in touch.